in another Life...

HAPPY 2012!!!!! 

Listen to my newest favorite.  Katy Perry never failed to give me good songs. I must say, She's brilliant and all the writers of this song, all her songs actually, are genius!

i best-loved this line "...can't replace you with a million rings, no!" it's soooo true! i can cry saying this verse. 

it's 2012, yet past memories of you and me still remain.  I will still love you, IN ANOTHER LIFE! :) ♥♥♥

Mother and Daughter--A life I wish I had

i promise not to be senti with my stories coz i don't wanna end up crying while writing. can i try to be emotional and at the same time laughing?..lol this is making me crazy :))

anyway, the song "Perfect" by Simple Plan is stirring up my emotions, not only once but ooover and oooover again. I love Simple Plan's songs. I've been a fan since college days and "Perfect" is one of my favorites. I guess it's the theme song of my life only that i gotta change some parts of it, a bit of alteration like, instead of "DAD" let's make it "MOM" and the rest would be okay.

I tuned in to Channel V earlier. I'm kinda feeling down these days, it's about mom again, oh well, nothing's new though.Going back, I didn't know they're featuring my fave band Simple Plan and indeed life is a joke, I heard the song Perfect for the Nth time. I didn't cry as i was listening, but I sang it very well. What a revelation! (lols...) maybe because I'm hurting that's why I was singing at the top of my lungs to drive out the negative feeling inside?! MAYBE, but YES it's true that I'm hurting, still hurting. 

It's been ages since I have these issues with my mom. I'm a mom now and it's just weird that we're both growing old yet we still haven't reached the maturity period. I can compare our relationship into a hollow block--you think it's solid outside but inside it's hollow. Nothing is in there. All facade. What else to say? Because i didn't grow up with her, because I'm not as good as what she had expected, because the truth is she doesn't love me that much that she could just hurt me whenever she wants. Damn! If only she knew how it feels to be neglected.

Why I love the song? For the reason that I like the story of it. It makes sense to me especially that I can relate to it. It must have been someone else's tale, but it's mine too. Try to read or at least sing it if you knew the beat and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Hey Dad (Mom) look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according
To plan?
Do you think I’m wasting
My time doing things I
Wanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along 

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t pretend that
I’m alright
And you can’t change me 

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect 

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero?
All the days
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t
Care anymore 

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t stand another fight
And nothing’ alright ...

I will never be perfect MOM and don't try to change me because you wanted me to be like you. I am ME. I have my own identity and I will never be like you. You set expectations based on your standards, but you have forgotten that I have my own standards too. When I was growing up, I needed your guidance but you never guided me, instead you belittled my capability. You have never trusted me and as a child I felt that. So much drama happened and is happening because we never learn to accept each other's weaknesses.

I know you are deeply hurt as much as I do, yet no matter what we do to go back to the old times and mend what was broken, we can't--not even a time machine could help. The Time isn't ours, and every second of our lives count. I really wish I had a mother who understands me, a REAL mother who loves me at my worst. I just wish...

Nevertheless, I'm still thankful because I've grown to be a better person because of it. I was taught along the way. I knew how to appreciate the simple joys, I learnt to value relationship, and most of all I learnt not to seek for perfection coz the truth is NO ONE IS PERFECT. We are sinners, we sinned, we have flaws but the secret to living a happy and peaceful life is to accept reality, learn from the lessons of life and seek GOD and ask for forgiveness. 

Why did I survive? This question was on my mind from the moment I gained consciousness about all these until my 23rd year, but on the day I met Christ, that was also the day I found the answer.

I felt bad it happened. However, in losing we gain something. I'm not wishing anymore, I'm praying that one day, we'll find peace and reconciliation. Love is all that matters.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1 

Mother and Daughter--a life I wish I had.

God's plan for me

Their Story

I was in national bookstore earlier trying to check some stuffs for my kid when i bumped into this area again--the INSPIRATIONAL BOOKS section. I've been wanting to purchase a new book for myself but today it's not included in my what-to-buy list. Nevertheless, i still found myself checking for good books. Since budget is an issue for me this time, i snubbed my favorite authors like Joel Osteen, Max Lucado, Joyce Meyer, etc. They are my favorite and I was really itching to get one. Then i kept on going back and forth, looking for something affordable yet worth reading. Then I saw this book--on the cover page it says " THIS IS MY STORY" and there were pictures of well-known people. This caught my attention so I immediately grabbed it and turned the back page for the price tag. Call me crazy for finding out the price first rather than the content of the book, it's just that i'm managing my finances this time :) ...Oh well, the cost went well with my allotted budget [instant allotment]. The next thing I did, I checked the book's substance. There was this feeling of comfort when I read some parts of it. I felt that God understood the scenario so He led me to the area where I could find a good manuscript. 

I want to be inspired by the stories of these people featured in the book, so I bought it and I was really excited to read it. I couldn't wait to finish this all and be motivated. After reading all the testimonies, I hope I can share mine too and say "THIS IS MY STORY". 

for more info about this book, you can check http://www.omflit.com/home/catalog.php?c=1&i=9 

and see how many lives were inspired upon reading their stories.

Heart of Worship

I don't exactly know what to write at this point. i feel empty and mind's not working. but i really wanna write something today, not because i have to make more stories but to let go of this heavy weight inside. I've been thinking of the word WORSHIP lately.

This morning, i woke up a little late, and as part of my routine, i offered a little prayer of thanksgiving in silence. i held my bible and read it. this is not an ordinary day, it's Sabbath day. for most people, the usual things to do on a Sunday is to attend a mass, family day, malling, beaching, or simply a rest day for those who are off at work.

My Sunday, for the past 3years, normally starts by opening my bible, listening to christian songs, resting in my place. I could only count the days that i have been to church during Sundays. Nevertheless, that doesn't change my christian belief. I'm a believer of Christ and i'm a proud christian. I wanted to be part of the congregation again, i thirst for that. Yet, for some reasons, i am discouraged. Today's trend is different. Many people go to church not to pray but to show off, not to listen but to meet friends and make gossips, it becomes a place for socialization for the elites and non-elites, but we forgot that the church is a sacred place for worship just like the synagogues during the ancient times. The Church is built so that people can gather and pray together, hear the words of the Lord together, worship together, not to compete against each other.

I, myself, committed such mistakes when i was active in attending Sunday worships during my younger years. I made sure that i had the nicest dress to wear, or when i had something new, i was even more motivated to go to church. Sometimes, i couldn't help but comment on the pastor's sermon or observe my seatmate and the worst thing--i fell asleep in the middle of the service. those were unacceptable manners. i knew that.

I am embarrassed by my own actions. I should have saved myself from temptations but i was too weak to fight it. Nowadays, these certain mistakes become acceptable in the society. Instead of finding ways in changing it, it's now become part of the social norm. If you can't beat them, join them.

I can't beat them, so i'd rather withdraw myself from these kinds of people. I don't wanna join them, I want to spare myself from sinning more. I am a sinner, i wanted to be renewed. I am not saying that those people who are going to church are guilty of the crime, it's just sad to note that almost everybody's doing it-- and it's where my discouragement came from.

Just like what the Lord wants, for His people to change and worship Him not only with their mouth and lips, but their HEARTS. The church is nothing without its worshipers. But worship means nothing if it's a false worship. It is our faith that can save us, not any churches, not any religions.Iin Matthew 6:5-6

"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

We can worship the Lord anytime of the day, anywhere in this place. Our Lord is easy to please, He is gracious and merciful. We are His children and He loves us all. Despite our weaknesses and sins, the Lord saved and restored us.

He is not asking for a luxurious favor from us in return of His deeds, the Lord God simply commanded His people that “You shall love the Lord your God with your whole heart, with your whole soul, and with all your mind” (Deuteronomy 6:5).

and everything will follow. If we love the Lord, then we do good things for Him.

The people are still encourage to go to church and praise Christ the King, each of us has our own ways in serving and worshiping the Lord. Above all, we do all things for the GLORY of GOD.

it's his 6th year!

to the love of my life, Happy Birthday to you!

you are loved by God, by mommy and your family.

it's your 6th year and praying for more life to come.

we may not have the lavish things that this earth could offer, 

yet we know God gave us more than that. Remember, the best things in life are untouchable, they must be felt deeply with the heart. 

this life is a blessing, and you are a blessing to us! we love you much dear Iarah... :)

looking back...

July 28, 1998--

this date changed my life for so many reasons. 

hon, i wish u were here with me to celebrate our 13th year. 

though u were gone physically, yet i know u never left us.

ur presence still lingers here.

i was in love with you since day one and i will forever be.

time might change the story of my life, but the biggest part of it still belongs to you.

thank you for the time, the love and care and for being the greatest dad to iarah.

we love u so dearly and we miss u bigtime!

i'm gonna see you soon, when it's my time :)